-lovelylittlehippy, Alberta, Canada
January 17, 2016 ~ lovelylittlehippy
check out my blog at thathippiestuff.com
Let me start by saying that I live in the middle of nowhere. Living in the middle greatly reduces ones options in the dating world, options generally because either someone you are related to, or that jock who is probably going to treat you like shit. Added on to this is the fact that I am plus-sized, or, in other words, I am fat. I have never really had an issue with this word. I am fat. My current body state is one of fatness. This is an accurate description of my physical form, and has always been an accurate description of my physical form. I always knew this, and it never really hurt me. The way people wielded the word however did. People use physical descriptors such as the word fat as a weapon, instead of what it is. A description of a physical state. The word fat tells you nothing about a person. It does not tell you the content of their character, or anything about the soul that lives within. The fact that I am fat does not tell you anything about who I am, or the fact that even though I am currently fat, I still have a smokin’ hot bod.
But I digress.
Being fat in a rural area, that is mainly populated by distant (or close) relatives, reduces the dating pool to virtually non-existent, because the few boys that aren’t related to you cant be seen even talking to you, because there still seems to be this idea that fat people have cooties (we dont by the way, I have been given a shining bill of health by my doctor).
Because there are no dating options where I lived, shortly after a high school career of not going on a single date, I decided that I would try to do one of the things that normal people do, and since I was not meeting anyone on my own. I decided to join a dating site.
Let me tell you that that is the biggest pile of bull-crap I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing.
Between the occurrences of men thinking its ok to tell me Id be so pretty if I lost a couple of pounds, and being asked (I kid you not) if someone could shave my head for money I began to wonder why anyone would put themselves through this. I began to wonder why I was putting myself through it. Date after horrible date (well, some were genuinely pleasant, but they never turned into anything) I stayed the course, as, urged by my family and friend, apparently that is what a young woman of my age is supposed to do. That closing the dating profile is “giving up”. Giving up what? Our society tells us as young woman that our worth is placed on who we are with, not who we are, how well we fit in, and not how we blaze our own path. I am 25 years old, and comfortably single, and that freaks people the f#!# out. I ran into a girl from high school a few months ago and she asked what I was up to. When I told her that I was going back to school, her response was “What a unique choice at this age”. Because apparently at 25 I have one foot in the grave already.
Let me give you a specific example. a few years ago I went on a date with a guy who told me he was a hardcore Christian and major part of his church. While I am not, I have a great appreciation for people who can dedicate so much of themselves to their faith. It’s a beautiful thing, so I gave him a chance. Well, I get to this date, and almost instantaneously I could feel that it probably wasn’t going to work. He was OBSESSED with me. We had been talking for about a week online and he already seemed to know my life’s history, and was planning the names of our future children (he actually asked me how many I thought we would have…none with you dude, none with you). Well, partway through the horrible date, as I was trying to figure a way to get out of it without straight out saying “I’m sorry sir, but you’re just awful and I am pretty sure I am going to have to have to take up drinking to forget this experience”, and my bailout call hadn’t came yet (which is going to be something else I talk about extensively, like, why are we just expected to put even unpleasant peoples feelings before our own because we are girls, hmmm?), he says to me “there is something I need to tell you…I wasn’t totally honest with you, I’m not Christian, I’m mormon, but dont worry, I’m not into sister wives” and then he winked at me. Needless to say within the next few minutes I mumbled something about my sisters cat locking the keys in the car and I was out of there. This is someone who made me extremely uncomfortable, who I did not get along with, and who I didn’t totally feel safe around. But what do my friends and family say? “you should give him another chance”
no matter who you are, you don’t have to settle. Dont do things because other people think you should.
I am supposed to lower my standards, settle for someone, start a family and put their needs and wants before my own, because not only am I a woman, but I am a fat woman, and that is what we are supposed to do. Not only did we not have any chemistry, but he freaked me out, I wasn’t attracted to him at all, and at one point in the date he actually bit my shoulder…and I am supposed to give him another chance. Because you know, its better than being alone.
So where am I going with this? Well, I guess the message I am going for is, no matter who you are, you don’t have to settle. Dont do things because other people think you should. Dont make decisions because that is what you are supposed to do. What society has deemed as your “role”. You don’t have to date someone, or do something, or be someone you aren’t just because it fits into someone else’s box. Fit into your box, smash the box, whatever. Do you and do you well. There is nothing wrong with being alone. And nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. My point is, we need to stop telling people who to be and what to do, and just let them do them, and be happy for them being happy. I am happy, and alone, and I really want to find love on day, but maybe I wont and that’s ok, because I am pretty cool, and really good company, and we need to teach people to love themselves first, because you might be all you ever have, and you my dear have to be enough for yourself, before you can ever be enough for another people. and frankly, I just cant do another bad date.
And whatever you do, dont go on a second date with the guy who bites your shoulder while on a picnic, you are at the very least worth more than that